Chastity. We have all heard of it before. It can best be summed up as ‘being sexually pure.’ However, if you tell that to most people, it often times goes over their heads perhaps due to its counter-intuitive wording or its vagueness, so I would like to fill out its definition a little more. I know chastity is one of the seven virtues, but based on my experiences I would call chastity a lifestyle. By lifestyle, I mean that when one wants to live chastely, the virtue of chastity permeates every faucet of his life, affecting how he acts, how he thinks, and even how he dresses. Chastity is not some golden standard we Christians try to reach; it is an integral part of how we should live our lives.
First off, let’s talk about the overarching goal of chastity. What’s the reward? I mean, we would not want to invest so much time into school, homework, and tests unless we knew we would be rewarded with discovering new passions and hopefully attaining a decent paying job. Chastity is not easy, and, especially with society telling us that masturbation, pornography, and objectifying others are all good, healthy, normal things, it is easy to lose sight of the importance of chastity in the first place. Now, is chastity a virtue of “no’s?” Well, in some ways, yes it is. It means saying no to sexual gratification in all its forms, but that’s hardly a fraction of what it really means. In reality, chastity is a deep and profound YES.
Now hold up, this may seem completely counterintuitive, so let me explain. In Genesis, God created man and woman, he created us as sexual beings. This means that sex and our sexuality is inherently good because God Himself made us that way. But He didn’t just make us sexual beings and leave it at that. By creating us as sexual beings, he issued a calling for each and every one of us to use our sexuality for the greater glory of God, basically to use our sexuality in a manner proper for our calling. For married people, that means being loyal to their spouses. For single people, that means living a life of abstinence in anticipation for marriage. For religious and priests, that means living celibately. This is where we come to the virtue of chastity because amongst all of these pathways comes an underlying foundation in which we must acknowledge that each person deserves to be treated with dignity and that our sexuality is God-given and must be used according to His will. What this all means is that being chaste is what God calls us to be, and with that comes amazing rewards that we cannot even imagine.
But let’s get more practical, if we want to be chaste, where do we start? Perhaps one of the most important things to realize about chastity is that it is rooted in discipline. What is discipline? Well, we can begin by saying that it is something that nearly all people struggle with. The reason why is because discipline focuses on the nitty-gritty efforts of everyday living. Discipline is not about getting an A in a class, it is about putting in the effort every day to study and do the homework for a good grade. Discipline is not about losing those pounds we don’t want to look a certain way, it is about pushing ourselves to exercise three, four, or five times a week to meet goals for our physique. It is not about establishing a solid prayer life; it is about having the willpower to pray every day, even when we are tired or busy. Discipline is the means through which we accomplish goals by having the perseverance to work toward those goals every day. It is also the means through which we stay chaste. Those who take a few days to focus on being a little more observant of their thoughts and actions will know what I mean because moments of lust can come at us in a heartbeat. All it takes is one person, one image, or one thought for us to fall into the temptation to lust, and this happens every day. Chastity is not one battle that is fought and won; it is a lifelong struggle we must fight every day of our lives.
The idea of being a little more observant of our thoughts and actions leads me into a second key piece of chastity: self-awareness. The reality is that our sexuality is ubiquitous; it is everywhere. It affects how we talk, how we act, how we dress. It is embedded into our everyday living, which is natural and good. What chastity forces us to do, though, is to not be completely ignorant of it. Chastity compels us to be aware of our sexuality when it comes to lust. Sometimes it is a certain person, a certain image, a certain situation, or (heck, let’s be honest) a certain body part that sets off lustful thoughts or actions. It is part of our calling, to recognize those moments where we fall, to acknowledge that we are weak in those moments, and to avoid those moments as best we can. This is what we call avoiding the near occasion of sin.
Now, trying to avoid those moments where we lust requires another key component called self-control. We have to be able to master our own passions and not be subject to them. We do the same thing when we exercise and choose to not give into the pains of our bodies and, instead, press on toward our goals. We have to remember that our passions and our sexuality are inherently good, but they need to be used in a proper manner. Even though we can be tempted to give into those passions, doing so is not liberating. This is a message that you hear all the time: “JUST DO IT!” However, by giving into our passions, we are not set free by them, we are enslaved by them. Drawing from my own personal experiences and the experiences of my friends, when we talk about masturbation and pornography, those types of things trap and ensnare the soul. What often results is a feeling of self-loathing because of the weakness and shame associated with the fact that the temptation to masturbate or look at pornography has complete control and cannot be resisted. There is no self-control. There is no sense of inner strength to combat the whims of passion. All that exists is weakness, shame, and an unfulfilled desire for something more. Perhaps a good analogy is receiving an A on a test you cheated on. Sure, it will feel good at first to have the A, but, afterward, what lasts longer is the sense of emptiness from circumventing the true purpose of the class and not living up to the expectations others have for you.
The last critical aspect of chastity I will talk about is the virtue of fortitude, which basically means “toughness” both in an internal and external way. Fortitude is perhaps the most important virtue needed for chastity because not only is it counter-cultural, but it seems to “go against the grain” of our own sexuality. God gave us hormones and sexual desires, but oftentimes when we think about chastity, it just seems to go against what we really feel. That is one of the reasons why lust, objectification, and sexual gratification are so pervasive because people think those things just ‘feel’ like they go with their sexuality. However, lust, objectification, and sexual gratification do not coincidence with our sexuality because, just like we talked about earlier, our sexuality is made for something greater. But, in those moments, when we are most desperate and temptation feels like it is about to take over and translate into sin, is when the virtue of fortitude comes in. Fortitude allows us to have the strength to overcome any type of temptation that arises, through what I can only describe as a persistent stubbornness to follow the will of God no matter what.
Now for the big question, why am I even talking about chastity at all? Well, from what I have experienced, there is not any other place where the virtue of chastity will be as useful as in college. In high school, relationships are common, but their level of physical activity is more subdued because of adult supervision in school, the presence of parents at home, and the general ‘minor’ legal status. In college there is no adult presence to limit physical activity because the students are adults themselves, unleashing a waves of sexual activity, objectification, and self-seeking pleasure. The widespread presence of alcohol and drugs only seek to magnify these issues. After my first few weeks, I realized what a dark place college is for sexual morality. The idea of chastity had never felt so foreign to my environment before. This is the reality of the college environment, and the more practiced you are in the lifestyle of chastity through discipline, self-awareness, self-control, and fortitude the easier transition you will have, to not only stay chaste in college but be an example for others to follow.
This is what God calls us to do: to be a light for others in the midst of darkness. How is God calling you to be that light for others?
“I, the Lord, have called you for the victory of justice, I have grasped you by the hand; I formed you, and set you as a covenant of the people, a light for nations.” (Is 42:6)