Testimony of The Praise Night

 ~ By Vince Niou

Before I get started, I’d just like to thank everyone for giving me this great privilege to speak.

The two factors that have most influenced and developed my faith would be my battle with the neurological disorder known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and my participation in Watermark. I will talk about each in turn.

Like most people here, I was born into the Catholic Church, as both of my parents were Catholic. As a kid, I went to church because it was what my parents did and it just became a ritual. I did not really think too much of it, I just assumed it was the right thing to do. I had no problems with attending Mass, but I really could not stand CCD. I did not particularly enjoy going to St. Clare’s, since I was slightly intimidated by the older kids and I was not too fond of my peers. Ironically, I now consider many of those same people to be my closest friends. Thus, I went on like most kids, being a Catholic by name, but not in spirit. I considered myself Christian, but I was too young to understand what that really meant.

In the 6^th grade, I was struck with OCD. For those of you who have never heard of OCD, the symptoms are obsessive thoughts and/or compulsive actions that become so persistent and haunting that they interfere with everyday life and cause distress. The disease first started to take form when I suddenly found that I could not carry out everyday tasks. Inconsequential actions such as washing hands, closing a door, or taking off shoes became an extremely frustrating ordeal, as if my brain had been hardwired so that my actions would travel in an endless circuit. My parents were obviously worried and took me to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with OCD and prescribed me medication. As the year went on, with the medicine and regular check-ups, I started getting better.

However, in the 7^th grade, the illness came back in a new form. This incarnation of OCD was characterized by debilitating compulsive thoughts and attacked at a deeper level, sometimes using my own conscience against me to make it that much harder to overcome.  For a while, the majority of my compulsive thoughts pertained to religion; I suddenly had all these fears I was not living the model Catholic life and that I would be cast into the infernal depths of hell. There would be times when I would lie in bed in a pool of cold sweat contemplating my spiritual fate. I felt like I was plummeting down a bottomless pit, looking for anything that could catch my fall. Feeling like I was losing my mind, I told my parents about all my worries. With their unwavering support, help from the psychologist and medicine, and most importantly, God, I found the inspiration I needed and slowly climbed out of the abyss of my own mind. Strangely enough, after this round of fighting OCD, I left with a whole new set of moral standards that would become the cornerstone of my current religious beliefs. One could say that this was the Phoenix that rose out of the ashes of darkness and despair. I believe all people who belong to a religion have one or more spiritual awakenings in their life that makes them see their life and faith in a whole new way. It just so happened one of mine occurred under the shadow of OCD.

My OCD did not just magically disappear after the ordeal. I have continued to fight it all through high school and even now, though it is obviously nowhere near as debilitating as when I was younger. For all I know, the disease may be completely gone next week, or I may have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Either way, I am confident that I have the tools and strength to keep it at bay. Everyone has a cross that they must carry, and this is mine. Looking back, the illness may have been a blessing in disguise in that it has brought me closer to God, who has been and will be with me every step of the way.

When I was first joined Watermark as a freshman, I was a bit apprehensive, since everyone was already established and I was new. It took me a year or so to really feel comfortable, but now, Watermark is like a second family to me. I always look forward to Bible Study each week and the different events we partake in as a haven from the chaos of everyday life. It is priceless to have a group of friends that I can always count on and people I know I can talk to. I believe that this is no ordinary group of friends, but that a higher power is working within us: God. We are all drawn together by a common faith, a common love, a common devotion to the Lord, which brings us all closer to one another as well as God. There are times when I am praying or during worship, when I get an indescribable feeling, a spiritual high. It is times like those, and even right now, when I have absolutely no doubt that God is among us.

 I believe that God is the only constant, unwavering aspect of our crazy lives. No matter what ends we pursue, we are all on a never-ending quest to know Jesus. Thus, in all we do, we must strive for that purpose. God works in mysterious ways, but in the end, I have faith that they will always work out. When I was in the deepest, darkest struggles of OCD, I often wondered why God would let this happen to me. Looking back, I now know why. It was to bring me closer to Him. No matter where life takes us, I believe we can take comfort in the fact that God has a purpose for each one of us. To know that the Lord has given me a purpose is a beautiful thing.

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